Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Do Dreams Get Any Weirder Than This???

I wrote this a year or two ago because it was so cool, weird, interesting, bizarre, goofy, and wonderful that I had to write it down before I started losing the details. I posted it on a message board originally and some of the people in it are fellow posters, so it reads a little wierd sometimes. Tammy is my friend who stayed with us for a while and Donnie is my husband.

Thought I’d share. It's a doozy!


There it was on the map. The place where we needed to go. It was all there in tan and black and only a little ways away-according to the map. Maybe a few towns to the north and a little to the east. The map itself seemed almost mountainous with its little humps and valleys accentuated by the paper on which it was written, an ancient parchment or some kind of hide with the texture of the Declaration of Independence. That’s where we were going. Only a few towns away. I would be meeting Tammy and Donnie there later that day.

The road was dark and there was no grass to be seen. Only thick, gray, ashy dirt cut deep with big ruts like something you’d see in a movie of someone driving through a flameless hell. Despite the appearance of the surroundings, all seemed normal-just some road construction going on.

After hours of driving, I finally made it to my destination and met Tammy and Donnie for lunch at a quaint Mom ‘n’ Pop type café fitted out in decades-old dining attire-small wooden tables on fragile legs, open back chairs from much earlier in the century, stained tile floor. There were a variety of hanging plants overhead that gave you somewhat of a feeling of being outdoors. It was a quaint little place with floor to ceiling windows on two sides and one could take in the view of passers-by on the old stone streets. Despite its’ somewhat ragged appearance, it was charming and the food was good.

Next, we were off to do a little site-seeing. There were rows and rows of open market to check out so we started there. We didn’t have a great deal of time, so we left empty-handed, vowing to return when we had more free time. Right now, we needed to get to the place where we were staying, check in, and drop off our stuff.

The road to the hotel was beautiful-plush, green, winding curves around gently rolling hillsides. The “hotel” was an old, square, one-story building. It looked to be a retired mid-century office building. We drove up a small incline to the large fairly empty parking lot on the side of the hotel and went in the side door to our rooms. When I dropped off my stuff in my room, I discovered that several cats had come with me as they always do. I never can figure out where they hide, but they always show up at the last minute. Apparently, they love to travel.

Several hours had passed and we decided to go back to the little café and get a quick bite. As we started down the hall, we pondered the route to get out. Everything inside the hotel had changed, but nothing seemed out of place to us. We wandered down the old medieval hallways and narrow passages, every now and then coming across a dusty, pointed, Gothic window of grids and red stained glass in the points. Curve to the left, turn to the right, pass along the wall of long rooms and back out into tiny hallways, then finally to our destination-the car.

Oh my! I had forgotten that it was Thursday! Thursday was my regular housecleaning day that I do for a lady with a large house back in our town-the one across the lumpy map. OH NO! Well, I’d better get to her place and get started!

That’s when they took my clothes. Some people lurking around the café told me I had to give them my clothes or else. They didn’t look like the type I felt like arguing with, so I gave them my clothes. I wasn’t going to argue over a pair of pants and some shoes, so off we went.

After driving through several miles of that same ashy pitted gray road, we finally arrived at the lady’s house I was to clean. She was home, but this was her second house, the one that she came to on vacations. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the house I was supposed to clean, although this one looked like it could use a good overhaul. I mentioned out loud that I imagined she wanted me to clean the one in town and that I would go there right away and get started. She said, “yes” and that Jeremy, who was a young man that was staying with her as a grounds keeper or something, had kept the place a little more straightened up than usual, so maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. The young man that was there with her seemed to be undisturbed by this statement. She did seem to be surrounded with young men and I wondered to myself if they were really the grounds keeper and the chauffeur or did they have other purposes. She was a very nice older lady and treated us all very well, so there might not be anything to it.

I didn’t think any more of it as right about then I discovered that she was standing in front of a large wall of discolored white wallpaper with a fading pale yellow design on it. It wasn’t the pattern, nor the discoloration that caught my attention, but the fact that it seemed to be free-hanging from the wall. The whole wall had come entirely loose and was hanging there by some unseen force of glue from the top of the wall. I put my hand on it and it moved-several feet of it-as if it were all one unit. I could tell by the movement of it that there were several layers under there.

“Looks like this paper isn’t holding up very well. You may want to consider stripping it off and investigating what’s underneath. It would probably all come down in one large intact piece. You might want to look into that.” I mentioned to her. “Ok, we’re off. I’ll show myself out. I’ll get down to the house and get it done today.” With that, Tammy and I left. Donnie had been standing quietly downstairs waiting.

Donnie got in his car and went on to do some site-seeing and antiquing, leaving Tammy and I to ride back to the hotel together so I could pick up my car. While we had been inside the lady’s house, I had noticed that 3 of the cats, Vinny, Clark, and Fragonard had been romping around and exploring the lady’s place. She hadn’t minded, but now I had to collect them all up and get them into the car so they didn’t get left behind. How they get to where I am is totally beyond me! I DON’T bring them!

Finally, I got Vinny and Clark and put them in the back seat of the car. When I opened the door to put Fragonard in, Red and Fenton raised their heads from their naps where they were sleeping on the back seat with Vinny and Clark. Now where had THEY come from??? Ok, everyone in, door closed-well, everyone except me. Tammy, thinking I had gotten into the back seat with the cats, pulled away and drove off leaving me standing in the lady’s parking lot. Great. No choice but to walk back to the hotel to get my car so I can drive back to our town and clean the lady’s house. In my underclothes none the less! I thought I might die from the ill feeling in my stomach that can only come from humiliation. Fortunately, there didn’t seem to be many people around-or anyone for that matter.

Hoping that Tammy would discover that I wasn’t in the car and would turn around and come back to pick me up, I started the walk back. Due to the construction that had taken place while we were at the lady’s house, the road had all but disappeared. There was nothing drivable between the long deep ruts cut into the surface of the gray hell. Matter of fact, there was nothing at all in some places except large gouged out mountains that required careful jumping skills. Finally, I made it to a tunnel-like road, far narrower than a car would fit, but easier for running on. So, I started running so that I could get back to get the lady’s house cleaned today. I wasn’t running long before I came upon the one thing I didn’t want to encounter-another person!

The tall athletic figure was running too and I caught up with her easily. She asked me why I was running and I explained that I had to walk the whole 20 miles to the hotel and that I didn’t have time to walk. Then I suggested to her that she get one of these new running devices. When I pointed down to my feet, I discovered there were not only shoes on them now, but that I was running on a piece of carpet turned upside down. I explained to her that if she got some of this stuff, pointing to the backside of a 2x3 piece of carpet, that she could increase her running speed significantly due to the added traction and that it was much easier on your feet and that you didn’t feel nearly as tired when you were finished. She was skeptical about the idea, so I continued speedily on my way. She didn’t seem all that disturbed that she had just been given advice by a lady wearing only underwear.

Eventually, I got back to the little town where we were staying. It was dark and strange. There was some kind of festival going on and everyone was dressed in ancient costume. To my right, there was a roughly made wooden structure attached to a rough log building. There was a dock next to it with small, very poor boats tied to a long rail. There were worn wooden steps leading from the dock down into the water so that a person could board one of the tiny boats. “Very poor fishermen,” I thought. “Odd.” What was present day when I left this morning seemed to have taken a step back to a time over a hundred years ago.

The smell left much to be desired and there were couple of men, still alive, hanging from some ropes that were tied to a long log of the wooden structure that was attached to the building. Apparently, this was payment for some kind of crime. See, if you committed a crime amongst the poor population, they put a rope around your torso, tied you to a rope that was tied to the log, then pushed you out the window and let you hang there a while. If you told them a story of merit or your crime was cleared, they would cut you down and let you go, otherwise, you would hang there until they felt like letting you go. There didn’t seem to be any fear in the people hanging, so I gathered these were mostly repeat offenders who would do their time and get on to their next bit of mischief. Kind of like being put in “time-out.” Inconvenient, yes. Lethal, no.

I went into the crude building to get out of the streets and see if I could find some clothes. The building was a crude pub for the sailors and fishermen. No luck there in finding clothes, and no money for food, which I wasn’t thinking about at the time anyway. Lots of information among intoxicated people though. What I found out was that the “hotel” was a castle that permitted only English and respected, invited guests. To get in there, I would need to appear to be one of them-or at least one of the invited international guests.

A young, slender woman of medium height stood proud as she entered through the open door of the castle. The wind caught the long dark silky hair that hung loosely to the waist. The graceful figure of a dancer was wrapped in an oyster colored sheer scarf around the shoulders like a shawl, around the legs in the manner of a skirt, then tucked in at the waist-just above the bottom of the naval-length mock-collar tee-shirt. The ensemble was stunning in its simplicity.

A lady met me at the door and escorted me to a certain part of the hotel. She easily guided me through the maze of rooms, all the while telling me about various things that were going on in the castle that evening. We passed through rooms full of people where conferences were being held, huge empty dining rooms, and finally through a large dimly lit room where there was only a piano, a man sitting on a stool slightly above a small group of people who were listening to history. Although it was evening, in this room some sort of breakfast lecture was being held although I didn’t notice anyone eating. The dim candle light illuminated only the speaker, who I recognized immediately as Magnaverde. My escort quietly announced with some pride that the lecturer was Magnaverde. “Yes, I know Magnaverde” I replied in a well educated English accent. She seemed pleased and nodded at me as if I was somehow of higher status.

Higher status or not, there was no way I was going to meet Mag in person while wearing only underwear and a sheer window treatment! I held my head high and walked quietly with my escort along the side of the room. Of course, if he recognized me, I’d speak, but I would prefer to come back later when properly attired.

Whew! Made it undetected! And as far as I could tell, neither my escort, nor any of the rooms full of people that we had passed through had detected that I was an American fraud.

After passing through the room where Mag was speaking, the escort left me to find my way down the maze of passages. I picked along trying to think of what we had seen when Tammy and I had left that morning. The walls were dark gray stone as I made my way through the corridors. I passed a few people on my way, most of which accepted that I was who I was supposed to be. On one instance however, I thought I would be discovered as my sheer had slipped below the bottom of my tee shirt and revealed skin. The lady who saw it just laughed and said quietly to her husband, “Huh, Indian,” as in-from India. Close call on that one!

Finally, I came to a place I recognized well. It was an intersection with a large room on the left. It had been empty when we had passed through the first time, but now a party was in full swing. Up a small ramp was the entrance to what looked to be vendors of antiques and pubs and laughter was rolling out into the corridor. There was a lady there collecting tolls to enter and you must be of English heritage to be admitted-once the toll was paid, of course.

No need to go in there right now. There was the issue of attire, you know. My window treatment slipped down again and I hurried to hike it back up. In front of me, was an empty room with warm pools of afternoon light coming in through the windows and catching the dust suspended in the air. The room was calm and peaceful in contrast to the party going on next door. On the far side of the room, there was a door. I wanted to go there, but knew that my room-and my clothes-were down the narrow gothic-window-lined passage to the right of this room. All it would take was to turn toward the windows, make a sharp left and I would be home free and undiscovered. But the room was enticing and warm and I really wanted to see what was in there and where the door led.

I crossed the room and opened the door. All that was there were more narrow corridors, but this time they were lined with remnants of the past. Everywhere to be seen there were antiques, architectural elements, and large folded panels of gilded wallpapers all of which had either fallen off or been replaced during some “renovation.” There were halls and more halls just filled with some of the most fabulous time-worn treasures that a person might want to see. Sometime during my wanderings, a man appeared. Another snooper who was just as fascinated by what we had discovered as I was.

Finally, we came to a large open room. There were stairs along one wall that went to more floors of halls being used as storage areas. At the base of the stairs, lying on its’ side was a huge wooden balcony with a staircase attached. The pattern was the most intricate Gothic design that seemed both lacy and masculine. I have never seen anything like it in my life! There was a large window in the 2 story room from which light poured over the wood until it glowed. Gasping in awe, I HAD to find Donnie! He would absolutely love this little tour! Then we’d go exploring upstairs. With that I turned to go. Problems with the drapes again. I turned to look in a dusty mirror, wondering what the lady that thought I was from India had seen. There it was, just below my navel, the tattoo of flowing words that read:

Anheuser Busch

I gasped, horrified! Then yanking up the scarf, ran out of the place, passing all the glorious things that could be found behind these closed doors. I have GOT to get some clothes on!

When I got to the intersection, Donnie and Tammy were there. Like me, they were different, tall, young, with the faces and figures of youth. Donnie, with short dark curls was smashing in his long black boots and black riding pants. Tammy was a vision of beauty in a proper flowing gown with long, thick, blonde hair and a circlet of small pale blue gems crossing her forehead. Neither of them seemed to notice anything out of place with what I had on, but there was no time to worry about that as we had just gotten accosted by the toll-woman at the entrance to the pub-mall.

This was the test. If we were to make it inside, we’d never be suspected again. “You gotta see what I found!” I whispered to Donnie as he reached into his pocket and extracted the coins needed to pay the toll. Clunk, clunk, clink, clunk. Into the box they went. Tammy and Donnie moved forward, but the woman grabbed my arm hard and kept me standing in my place. From the box, she extracted the coins. 3 one pound coins and a quarter. I shoved a wad of bubble gum in my mouth as I waited. “Imposter” she said to me with a daring tone.

While I continued to chomp down on the wad of gum so I could speak, I was busy thinking of what to do next. Not only would I get kicked out of the place and shoved out the window down by the water with a rope tied around my chest, Donnie and Tammy would be too! I looked her square in the eye and said in my American accent “If you don’t let go of my arm, I’m going to shove this giant wad of gum into your ear.” She looked at me speculatively, but did not let go. I couldn’t help but laugh as the entire scene of someone having bubble gum shoved into their ear had just played out in my head.

“Could you imagine?” I asked her laughing honestly. “What that would look like to see someone do something as absurd as that?”

As she pictured it in her head, she started to smile, just a little. I grabbed her arm firmly and said to her quietly, “We won’t cause you any trouble.” She nodded and let us go.


Vacation over. Something woke me up. Some mornings, I just love sleeping in! But MAN! I wish I could have gotten to go back to the corridors full of antiques!

Here’s a summary of the where the dream elements came from. Don’t ask me how they turn into a story or why they even show up!

  • Map-many of my dreams start with a map, so that’s normal.
  • The Hellish road-probably from a movie we saw at Tammy’s a few days ago.
  • Café-I turned off an art light on a painting of a café in Venice last night before going to bed.
  • Good Food-Last night I had asked Cheryle (Bulldog Mom) about a Mexican place that I thought had good food.
  • Cats-always follow me in dreams.
  • Housecleaning-One of the things on the list of things to do was clean up an area. I never got to it because of things popping up all the time and I wanted to get it done that day.
  • The Lady-I still have the keys to a lady’s house that I used to cat-sit and do décor and handyman work for. I decided I needed to get them sent back to her yesterday. She lives in another town.
  • Ashy pitted gray road-yesterday I helped some people find some tile that was gray, kind of ashy looking in places, with dark lines through it here and there.
  • Tammy leaving me in the parking lot-Tammy moving to her own house.
  • Jeremy the grounds keeper-Jeremy is the name of the guy who bought my old house. Yesterday I got a coupon from the tree service that I used at that house. I thought I would send it to him as they were very good.
  • Carpet-there are a few pieces of carpet that need to go in the trash. They got wet and I hung them to dry yesterday. Together they make a piece that would be about 2’x3’.
  • Ancient villages and fishermen-Last night I turned off the light over a painting of a party in Venice.
  • My Window Treatment costume-from one of the pictures on Donnie’s screen saver that I saw this morning.
  • The Guy in the secret halls-David aka 1902 House. He had no name in the dream, but I saw his post this morning while Donnie was surfing. He would have enjoyed the things in the corridor.
  • Anheuser Busch tattoo-From the can of Full Throttle energy drink that has become my cappuccino substitute. I noticed the maker on the can two days ago. I don’t drink beer, so I’m not sure what was up with the Budweiser part except that it is also an A.-B. product.
  • The wrong coin-When I paid for that can of Full Throttle yesterday, I used the change from the dresser in the Self Check lane. Among the change was a Canadian quarter which the machine probably wouldn’t accept. The machine made clinking noises as the change went in.
  • Falling wallpaper-recurring in dreams for years. Has to do with the nightmare of having a customers wallpaper fall off the walls in big sheets during the night.
  • Bubble gum-I have absolutely no idea, but can tell you that when confronted, such a thing will totally catch someone off guard. It’s worked as a tactic before-although not with bubble gum-and will usually get crabby people laughing.
  • Snooping in off-limits places-probably came from the other day when I gave a giant old abandoned house a good going through. It was way cool and I wanted to get Donnie to go have a look at it too. I thought about it on Sunday.
  • Mag-shows up in dreams about antiques and history all the time, but occasionally has to share the glory with Sean Connery. I have no idea why.
  • Old building and antiques-my normal dream material.
I don’t know where the rest of the stuff came from. England, probably because I lived there, imposter probably stems from feeling unsure about my knowledge in a certain area that I’ve been assigned to be a specialist in and know little about, giving away my pants and shoes, who knows about that one. So, if ya’ll don’t see me in the future, just know that it’s hard to type while wearing a straight-jacket!


  1. Girl, when you're using solvents, ya gotta start opening the windows!

  2. Now where's the fun in that? :) Great to see you!

  3. Strange - I associate Mags with Sean Connery too.